Saturday 30 January 2010

Saturday Tidbit - The Wolf Moon


Believe it or not, just about every phase of the moon has a name. The names come from different cultures. In December last moon, there were two full moon phases in the moon. The first full moon is known as a Christmas Moon. (From Colonial American Tradtions) The 2nd full moon, which rarely happens is known as a Blue Moon because its the 2nd recoccuring moon in the month. This month, in January, it is known as a Wolf Moon.

And you know how I love wolves. hehe

The Wolf Moon comes from the Native Americans and it's named because of how the wolves used to howl at the moon on cold winter nights.

Interesting Tidbit: The lunar cycle is roughtly 29 days.

Tonight's moon will be especially bigger than most. Why? Taken from Yahoo: The moon is, on average, 238,855 miles (384,400 km) from Earth. The moon's orbit around Earth – which causes it to go through all its phases once every 29.5 days – is not a perfect circle, but rather an ellipse. One side of the orbit is 31,070 miles (50,000 km) closer than the other.


So in each orbit, the moon reaches this closest point to us, called perigee. Once or twice a year, perigee coincides with a full moon, as it will tonight, making the moon bigger and brighter than any other full moons during the year.

The Moon over Turin, Italy, Dec 2009



Taken from the Native American culture is a list of the Full Moons for the upcoming year:

FEB 2010 - Snow Moon
MAR 2010 - Worm Moon
Interesting Note: In 2010 this is also the Paschal Full Moon; the first full Moon of the spring season. The first Sunday following the Paschal Moon is Easter Sunday, which indeed will be observed six days later on Sunday, April 4.

APR 2010 - Pink Moon
MAY 2010 - Flower Moon
JUN 2010 - Strawberry Moon
JUL 2010 - Buck Moon
AUG 2010 - Sturgeon Moon
SEP 2010 - Harvest Moon
Traditionally, this designation goes to the full moon that occurs closest to the Autumnal (fall) Equinox. The Harvest Moon usually comes in September, but (on average) once or twice a decade it will fall in early October.

OCT 2010 - Hunter's Moon
NOV 2010 - Beaver's Moon
DEC 2010 - Cold Moon


Reference for this blog entry:http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/20100129/sc_space/biggestandbrightestfullmoonof2010tonight

Wednesday 27 January 2010

Promo Wednesday - Review for Destination: Berlin


This Review is from "Book of the Moment Reviewer." and is on Berlin's Amazon Page.

*******

After reading the back of this book, I was feeling a little iffy as I started it. Sometimes military stories catch my attention, and other times I get overwhelmed by the lingo and the violence and quickly lose interest. "Destination: Berlin," kept my rapt attention from the first page through to the last though. As I finished the story I realized with a smile that I actually quite enjoyed it.

Sharon Cates is a model American soldier stationed in Germany. On her way to attend a routine orientation tour in Berlin, she meets a Russian soldier named Dimitri. The two share a meal and agree to put aside their military and political differences and "be friends for the day."

Shortly thereafter, an explosion derails the train, mildly injuring Cates. After overhearing a conversation by the train bombers, Dimitri quickly realizes that Cates is carrying more than just her identification papers in her briefcase. Somewhere in that case, unbeknownst to her, are nuclear launch codes that people are willing to kill to get their hands on.

Injured and completely confused, Cates finds herself with few options other than following the enemy soldier to safety. From here we follow Cates and Dimitri as they attempt to get to a safe and neutral part of the country; all the while hoping to guard the codes and prove Cates had no knowledge of the codes being in her briefcase at all.

There's a little bit of everything mixed into this story. There's history, adventure, suspense, romance and of course so military jargon. The author does a good job though, of simplifying the military lingo, so that it never becomes a burden to understand. The story flows well, and moves along quickly. If you're looking for a good story to keep you occupied for a night or two, I'd highly recommend this one.

4 Stars
Book of the Moment

*****
Here's a link to Berlin's Amazon Page:
http://www.amazon.com/Destination-Berlin-S-Cardin/dp/0595164196/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1264608108&sr=8-1

Tuesday 26 January 2010

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What I'm reading Tuesday - The Wicked Duke Takes a Wife


I just love Jillian Hunter. I first discovered her when I read "The Wicked Games of Gentleman" about Drake Boscastle and Eloise. For me, she had the perfect blend of plot, suspense, historical stuff, and romance. I've read her entires series. Some stories were hit or miss, some I really enjoyed, some not as much, but I love her writing. It's an easy style to read. Her latest book, "The Wicked Duke take a Wife" is one that I'm currently reading and enjoying.

The heroine is Harriet Gardner from Emma and Adrian's story. Harriet has cleaned up nicely at Emma's school and helps Charlotte. Enter Griffin Boscastle. He has just inherited the title of "Duke of Glenmorgan" He drops off his neice, Edlyn at Emma's academy and meets Harriet. Let's just say the soot flies between them.

The build between Griffin and Harriet is fun. Both are attracted to each, and each are haunted by demons. Hunter ties in the novel "Frankenstein" as well, giving the novel depth. I'm about 1/3 into the book. Harriet has gone to work for Griffin's aunt, Lady Powlis and Lady Powlis gives as good as she takes. And I can't help but cheer for Harriet. She's come a long way.

Any Boscastle fans out there?
Smiles
Steph

Monday 25 January 2010

Excerpt Monday - Royal Pretender



Here's an excerpt of a short story I submitted to CRR's "The Cupid Diaries." The story is Royal Pretender and it is about how George II of England met his wife. The Cupid Diaries is coming soon from CRR.

*********

Caroline Wilhelmina, Princess of Ansbach, stared listlessly out of the window of her apartments and watched as a strange, yet royal carriage slowly approached. She was mildly curious. They rarely received visitors in small Ansbach and not at the summer residence where it was barely staffed.

Caroline sighed and ran a hand through her fine, blonde hair. If only she weren’t so melancholy over losing her mother figure, Sophia Charlotte. Her own mother had died when she was eleven and Sophia Charlotte had raised her until her own death a couple of months ago. She missed Berlin, Sophia Charlotte’s court, Leibniz, the great court recorder, and the gaiety Sophia Charlotte brought to her life. Caroline left Berlin in sadness after her death to join her brother in Ansbach, but nothing seemed to help her mood. Even taking a short holiday at Triesdorf with her brother made her long for happier times.

She noticed the carriage stop. Two men and a valet got out. Noblemen? One was old, and one was…very young. Her inquisitive eyes came to rest on the young nobleman. How confident he must be in himself that he didn’t wear a wig. She liked that about a man. He was a little short, her height, she guessed, still, that didn’t deter her from staring at him. His neat, tapered haircut and his immaculate clothes caught her attention. He took pride in himself and his appearance. Soft shaped almond eyes spoke of his kindness. His cheeks were full of color and his lively expression hinted at his vitality. Even his lips seemed full and pouty. Lips fine enough to kiss. Caroline felt her heart flutter as she realized he was a very good-looking young man.

Get hold of yourself, Caroline!

She reached out and put her hand on her window sill to brace her now unsteady feet.

From her spot, she saw her brother go out to meet the travelers. They talked for several minutes and the men followed her brother inside. Nervous trepidation filled her. Did William seriously expect to entertain? Their staff consisted only of a butler, maid, and cook here at the summer residence!

She walked over to her washbasin and filled a bowl with water, washing her face. Within minutes there was a knock at the door.

********

Sunday 24 January 2010

New England Sunday - Old Sturbridge Village

Center Village in Winter Time


I remember my earliest visit to Old Sturbridge, I think I was in the 5th grade. I never forget this place. I next visited when I was in the Army, on leave in the late 1980's, early 1990's. I took my dh here shortly after I got married and shared this special with him.

So what is Old Sturbridge Village? It's a reenactment of a New England town from the 1830's located in Massachusetts. It is more than 200 acres. You can tour the entire town to see what life was like in early New England! The different shops are populated with actors who reenact characters from that time!

It's a great place to go and learn about colonial New England. For me, it was like stepping into history.
A Stagecoach



The Village opened on 8 June 1946. It was the dream of AB Wells and his son George. AB was an antique collector and had collected so many antiques he needed to find a place to do something with them. His son, George, suggested opening up a "living" history exhibit, hence the birth of OSV.

These are the following shops in OSV:

Old Sturbridge Village has over 40 structures, including restored buildings purchased and relocated from across New England and some authentic reconstructions.

The village is divided into three main sections. The Center Village represents the center of town, with the town green as its focal point. Countryside consists of outlying farms and shops. The Mill Neighborhood features various commercial structures that rely upon a millpond for their power.

The Center Village contains the following structures:

Friends Meetinghouse - a meetinghouse of the Religious Society of Friends, also known as Quakers

Center Meetinghouse - churches often served as a location for town meetings, elections, lectures, and political events

Tin Shop - tin, purchased from England was used to make a variety of household goods
Salem Towne House - a prosperous farmer's home

Law Office - a small, free-standing office of a lawyer

Parsonage - the home of a Congregational minister and his family

Asa Knight Store - a country store, transported from its original location in Vermont.

Thompson Bank - a bank that was originally located in Thompson, CT

Fenno House - an historic house with exhibits that highlight domestic textile production

Fitch House - the residence with exhibit elements that highlight children and family life Printing Office




Cider Mill - a horse-powered mill for the production of hard cider

Shoe Shop - an historic ten footer, which was a small backyard shop structure built in the 18th and 19th centuries in New England to serve as a shoemaker's shop.

Town Pound - for the confinement of livestock wandering around town or on other farmer's property

Bullard Tavern - an early 1800s tavern room

Small House - a small home based on those of less affluent families, people of color, newlyweds, and renters

The Stage Coach - On May 23, 2008, a stage coach marked "Hartford & Worcester" started making trips through Center Village. Guests can ride in the stagecoach for $3.00 per rider.


Info for this blog entry came from:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Sturbridge_Village

Saturday 23 January 2010

A Nip o' History Saturday - Queen in Waiting



I'd always been a little interested in History growing up the book that ignited my passion was called "Queen In Waiting" by Jean Plaidy. Jean Plaidy was a pen name for one of my favorite authors, Victoria Holt.

I discovered this book back in 1988 when I was waiting for the Berlin Duty Train in Bremerhaven in July. I sat in front of the Bahnhof, reading my book, so involved in the story, I hardly noticed the buzz around me.

Queen in Waiting is about George II and his romance with his wife, Caroline of Ansbach. It is the early 1700's and George Augustus is a young man in his early 20's and the Crown Prince of the Electorship of Hanover. George Augustus's father, George Lewis, the current Elector, is set to inherit the British throne since Anne Stewart has no heirs (And that's another fascinating story I can't wait to tell, but it's for another Saturday.)

George Lewis had a miserable marriage to George Augustus's mother, Sophia Doreathera. It was so miserable, he divorced her and put her up in Ahlen Tower where she lived a long life and died there. Because of this experience, he wanted his son, George Augustus to make a love match.

Personally speaking, that was RARE for royality and it was rare for a father to want his son to make a love match. That said George Lewis "pumped" his aged mother, the Dowager Electress Sophia for who might make a good match. She suggested Caroline of Ansbach. Ansbach was a small German city in southern Germany. Caroline was a noble lady and George Lewis thought she might work out for his son.

He dispatched George Augustus with his old governor to Ansbach. But there was a catch. George Augustus went in disguise. This way if he didn't like Caroline, he could refuse to marry her and no one would no the better.

When George Augustus met Caroline, who was his age, blonde, blue eyed and totally HOT he fell half way off the cliff. As he got to know her, he fell completely off. She was drop dead gorgeous and had a sweet, charming personality to boot. In haste, he left her, traveled to Hanover and told his father he wanted to marry her.

Immediately George Lewis dispatched a formal party to ask for her marriage. When Caroline was told the dashing young nobleman named Monsieur deBusch was really George Augustus, the crown prince of Hanover she said "yes!" to the marriage proposal. She had fallen completely in love with the young, dashing man herself.

If you want to read my historical fiction account of the "Royal Pretender," it will be in the upcoming Cupid Diaries put out through CRR.

Isn't love romantic?
Steph

Wednesday 20 January 2010

Promo Wednesday - Review for The Wolf's Torment


FICTION: ROMANCE / FANTASY

The Wolf’s Torment
S.G. Cardin
iUniverse
355 pages
Softcover $20.95
ISBN: 978-0-595-41733-9
4 stars

A good romantic novel is not the massed-produced formulaic massively consumed quickie book commonly known as a “Bodice Ripper.” A romantic novel is more than thin plot lines designed to get the main characters from one sexual congress to the next.

S. G. Cardin’s debut novel, The Wolf’s Torment, is a romantic novel without being a clichéd ridden “romance” novel. With elements of historical fiction combined with the gothic supernatural, The Wolf’s Torment is in the similar vein as Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles and The Mayfair Witch Chronicles, but the story is also convoluted like Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations as well as dark Arthurian undertones. It is an erotically charged novel with powerful sexual scenes that are not gratuitous, but necessary for the development of character and plot.

Cardin’s hero, child Prince Mihai Sigmaringen of Moldavia in the 1800s, watches helplessly as his mother is murdered by an evil witch. An older Mihai realizes that he lives in country with real monsters, and the modernization and unification of Romania is the only way to rid Eastern Europe of these ancient evils. Cardin writes, “He had a future to fulfill… He would modernize the country and drive out such beings as witches and werewolves that would have the rest of the world think his country as uncultured.”


But the ancient evil persists, and Mihai’s best friend Victor, who he met in England while attending university, is bitten by a werewolf. When the beast overcomes the man, Victor’s werewolf nature invades his humanity and he betrays Mihai.

Mihai makes his own betrayals: to see his plans reach fruition he submits to an arranged marriage to the Lady Theresa von Kracken, even though Alexandra, his gold-digging mistress from London, is pregnant with his baby. Theresa believes that Mihai is the prince that her precognitive dreams had shown her as a child.

After the death of his father, Mihai is crowned King and Theresa becomes his queen. Like Lancelot and Guinevere who betray King Arthur’s trust, Victor has his way with Queen Theresa—the difference being Victor drugs Theresa and takes advantage of her vulnerability. Unlike Guinevere, she never stops being deeply in love with her husband.

The story turns desperate as King Mihai relentlessly drags a reluctant Moldavia into a modern age, even while chthonic forces attempt to pull Moldavia out of enlightenment and back into the darkness of magic, fear and superstition.

Cardin has provided a Q and A session as well as deleted scenes and discussion issues. Readers that enjoy fast-paced novels with some scares and mystery will find themselves waiting impatiently for a sequel to this historical and supernatural romance.

Reviewed by Lee Gooden
ForeWord Clarion Reviews

Tuesday 19 January 2010

The Pat on the Back Award from Celia Yeary



Over the past year, I've had the privilege to get to know Texas author, Celia Yeary. Celia's been an inspiration to me in how she writes, promotes, and sells books. She's so down to earth and approachable. Just recently, I got a "Pat on the Back Award from her and I thought I'd passed that on myself. If anyone wants to check out Celia's blog you can find it:

http://celiayeary.blogspot.com

Our blogs are our "brand" as much as our books. So, there's a lovely little award going around that encourages readers to at least take a peek at our blogs. The award doesn't come with a banner or a sticker—it's an honorary thing.

First, I'll tell seven things about myself. Then, I'll list seven blogs I believe are worthy of a visit from you—any of you. My seven blogs consist of several I read on a regular basis, and the others are new blogs I have recently discovered. Next, I'll contact each of my seven authors and tell them their blog is on my list. Hopefully, each will do the same thing.


7 THINGS ABOUT ME:

#1 - I was born and raised in Manchester, New Hampshire.

#2 - I joined the U.S. Army 1986 as an MP.

#3 - I been all over Europe visiting Paris, Berlin, Poland, the Czech Republic, and Hungary.

#4 - I was married in Nykobig, Denmark in 1991.

#5 - I have a B.S. in Political Science from California Baptist University with a minor in Socialogy. I was also selected as the Outstanding Evening College Student that year.

#6 - I now live in California and work as a 911 dispatcher for LAPD

#7 - One of my favorite places I've visited in America were the manisions in Newport, RI.

Here's the 7 blogs I give I "Pat on the Back to."

#1 - http://www.thepenmuse.com/

#2 - http://lindsaysromantics.blogspot.com

#3 - http://sherrygloagtheheartofromance.blogspot.com/

#4 - http://shawnawilliams-oldsmobile.blogspot.com/

#5 - http://www.typosandall.com/

#6 - http://lkhunsaker.blogspot.com/

#7 - http://monarisk.blogspot.com/

Monday 18 January 2010

Monday Excerpt - Destination: Berlin


THE SET UP: After sending the night in a farm house, Sharon asks Dimitri if she can see a doctor.

********

Through the cracks in the loft, she spotted Dimitri checking out the farmhouse. She wondered what he’d found. Again, she took another deep breath. How would she ever be up for a ninety kilometer hike to Berlin? If her ribs were okay, her lungs would feel better by now. Certainly she had more energy after her rest, but it still hurt to breathe. She wondered if her father ever had a night like this when he was in the military. He didn’t talk much about being in Vietnam, but when he had, he never told a disparaging story.

Dimitri climbed the ladder to the loft. “You’re up.”

“Yep. I’m up. What now?” she asked.

“I went and did a check of the area.”

“What did you find?” She was curious.

“There is a canal nearby. I think it’s the Havel-Elbe. The farmhouse is deserted for the moment. I believe it is market day and they have gone into town. The inside of the house contains photos of a couple in their youth, very old style clothing and hair. I believe the residents are an older couple.”

“Well, it’s about noon,” said Sharon, glancing at her watch. “I guess we should move on soon.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Not good,” she answered. “I was hoping to see a doctor.”

Dimitri frowned. “I can’t see how that would be possible. If we see a doctor, we’re opening ourselves up to be discovered.”

Sharon was quiet for a moment.

“I’m in pretty good shape,” she began, “but this injury is making it hard for me to keep up. The pain it’s causing is taking away my strength. Is there a chance we can just pop in somewhere for a minute – long enough to secure some painkillers?”

“You see,” he began, “in this part of the world, you cannot enter a town without an ausweise. If you want medical treatment, you must present the card. As you know, we have no such thing for you.”

She thought for a moment. “In America, we need insurance cards. If we don’t have them, doctors will accept payment directly. Is it possible that a German doctor would do the same?”

“But in your uniform, surely someone would notice you.”

She took off her awards and her shoulder boards. “Maybe it’ll look passable if I take these off,” she said optimistically. “After all, without my shoulder boards and awards, you don’t know for sure what I am.”

“I don’t know, let me think about it,” said Dimitri awkwardly.

“Sure.”

He gestured for Sharon to follow him. They left the loft and Dimitri went into the farmhouse and gathered some food from the kitchen, bread and fruit. He also took some rope and a couple of rags. He put them in a duffle bag that he carried over his shoulder. They stuffed what they could in her briefcase. As they walked along the wood line, he removed his rank and insignia from his uniform, so it appeared he was just wearing a brown shirt and slacks.

“Here is your ausweise,” he said. “Today you are Gertha Braun. I am your husband, Wolfgang.”

“So…does this mean you thought about it? Are we going to see the doctor?” she asked with a smile.

“Yes.”

“Maybe I should be the mute Gertha Braun?” Sharon suggested. “Gertha has a bit of a language barrier. About the only thing I can do is read a menu in German.”

“I thought of that,” Dimitri said. “It’s not so unusual that the women don’t speak for themselves. I’ll do the talking.”

“Okay.”

“Hohenseeden is the next town we will come to and the Stasi will have alerted the Polizei, but not the general public of the train derailment. To the general public we will be strangers on market day. We’ll have to be careful to avoid the Polizei,” explained Dimitri.

“We have time on our side. The Stasi will be scrambling their resources to find us and they’ll be spread out,” added Sharon.

“Still, we cannot afford even one mistake,” Dimitri added. He directed them along a wooded path, which would lead to the next town. As they walked, it became silent between them, and Sharon discovered she didn’t like the silence. She wanted to know more about her accomplice, but she wasn’t quite sure where to start. They seemed to have nothing in common.

“You’re quiet all of a sudden,” said Dimitri.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about my family.”

“Oh?”

“My father in particular. He was in the army, too – in Vietnam.”

“I see.”

“You remember when you asked me, back on the train, why I joined the army?”

“Yes. You said for the funding of your education.”

“I could have gone to college when I graduated high school. You see, my father was an infantry lieutenant and he volunteered to go to Vietnam. His career was cut short when a grenade exploded in his hand. He came home with a prosthetic hand. It was hard for him at first,” explained Sharon.

“I’m sorry. Was he distant?”

“Yeah. He thought we didn’t understand. I was five at the time. I remember missing him when he was gone. I was so happy to have him home, I didn’t care that he had a prosthetic hand,” she added. The sun beat down through the trees its heat adding to her nervousness.

“At least he came home,” Dimitri said.

**********
5 Stars, Midwest Book Review
You can buy Destination: Berlin at:
http://www.amazon.com
http://iuniverse.com

Friday 15 January 2010

Book Review Friday - Christmas Stranger


Here's my review for "Christmas Stranger" by Marion Kelley Bullock. It's also posted on Ezines, & Go Articles.

Written by: Marion Kelley Bullock
Desert Breeze Publishing
ISBN: 978-1-936000-46-3
$4.99
Ebook format
4 Stars



Bullock pens a sweet, inspirational, American historical romance with “Christmas Stranger.” Rich in setting, this story of a Missouri postmistress is one that captures the spirit of Christmas and reminds us today why Christmas is so important.

The story takes place in 19th Century America and opens with a fierce snowstorm engulfing the small town of Primrose, Missouri. Melinda Jane Frazier is the postmistress of the town and lives alone. Her father, who she had cared for, has just recently died. In the howling winter wind, she hears a knock. Answering the door with a gun in her hand, she discovers a wanderer named Zeke, and his son, Timothy, needing shelter. Melinda takes them in. When the storm dies down, a grateful Zeke offers to help Melinda around the farm. Zeke goes to live in the lean-to next to the home. Timothy, who is seven, also settles in, helping his Pa do chores. Since Christmas is around the corner, Zeke and Timothy stay with Melinda during the holidays. Timothy makes new friends in Primrose, and Zeke grows to admire Melinda. After the holidays, Zeke, unnerved by the growing intensity of his feelings for Melinda, turns back to his wandering ways and leaves. Only time will tell if Zeke can find his way back to Melinda.

Bullock’s style is easy to read and keeps the reader engaged. Her descriptions are vivid and rich in detail, from the setting to the smells in the kitchen, helping to capture the authencity of the story. Her dialogue and character accents are well done and gives the reader a feel for the times.

Zeke and Melinda are well developed characters and the reader can easily understand their motivations. Zeke is an honest man at heart, but has to reconcile his need for wandering with a desire for a family. In that regard, Melinda offers him her father’s Bible, so he can draw inspiration from it. Not prone to read the Bible, after Zeke has a disturbing encounter with a farmer’s daughter, he goes to it to help draw strength for the decision he has to make.

Melinda is loyal, hardworking and honest, traits to be admired in a historical American character. Melinda’s desire for a family is one many can connect with. The supporting cast is also well rounded and fun to read about.

“Christmas Stranger” is “sweet” for romance readers with Zeke and Melinda exchanging longing glances and a gentle kiss. Overall, “Christmas Stranger” is a tender, inspirational read that will warm the reader’s heart.

It hurts.

My gf met her favourite ‘BABA’ today. I knew that after that things are going to become even worst as I was always expecting this to become worst though was hoping for it. And her 1st text came in saying she feels like crying again but she doesn’t wanna cry. Felt the stab already but tried to endure it and just went on till she called me.

She started crying and I knew it was me. Talking to me was painful for her. What can I do? I needed her. I didn’t mean for things to be like this. Really! But yea prolly none would trust me but that’s the truth whether wanna believe me or not. I was very attached to her. No, too attached to her.

It’s not easy for me to deal with everything and I know that her friends and herself would have told her that try to contact me lesser to cope with it and I had to accept it. But I was really stupid by asking her back straight away that she misunderstood me. Yea she thinks I treat her like trash!

That’s the worst ever thing I could have got accused off. She was like my guardian angel, my baby, my bestie, my friend and like how I always felt my wife. She meant the world to me. To be said that I treated her like that, no no I already felt like I wanted to faint already then she was just asking me to let her go and contact her lesser.

I have to. But at the same time I am gonna try to cope with depression and everything else that comes together. I wanna win her back but will she be there then? That’s the most scary thing. I’d bravely say that my heart wont budge from her but I can’t expect the same thing from her, no? She has her own rights to choose what she wants.

With much heart pain I leave things wishing I could practically bash my ownself up for throwing it away. I am lost now. No place to whine, no place to hide, no one to run to when I felt hurt or anything, practically I feel alone. I suppose this is what they wanted me to be like. I always had a phobia of being alone but at the moment that’s all I have.

Yet still she’d always be my everything though it’s over at the moment. I wonder what I could do when I need her so badly. Told her that I won’t cry too much. But I feel like I wanna break down so badly. I love her so much and I know that she loves me too. She cares for me just that she doesn’t know whether she can trust me again or not. That’s why she wants to break up.

I understand how it is. I been through that. It’s painful to even make such decision. I really want her back. I need her. I would do whatever I could to earn her back. I love her and she is all I want. I could sound pathetic or anything but it least concerns me. I love her and I don’t care being pathetic or what to admit it.

Hoping to find the strength to breathe atm. Every breath I take is painful and everything reminds me of her. Ok I think I’d better stop for now. So yea, hopefully I could find some more courage to write about how things are going. Till then.

Confession of The Guilty Heart

I know I haven’t been blogging since the past 2 post that I made. Actually I wanted to blog a lot about what I was cherishing the most in my life but then I lost the stuffs that I wanted to blog about in my old lappie which dieded on me. All pics and everything else gone just like that. But that’s old story. Am writing this at the moment in the wake of a single day spree that kicked up since last Tuesday night when my gf broke up with me.

Here I want to confess that it’s all my fault that I she decided to dump me. Though some people would be actually thinking that they finally took revenge on me by taking away my most precious thing from me but, No ur wrong. It was all my fault. I was so stupid and childish to be so so so dumb!

Yea I really feel like kicking myself. I practically made such mistake that kinda threw away a year long relationship in which I felt I was home. But yea, I lied. I didn’t tell her that I met my ex while I told her that I was meeting with a friend during that time. How stupid of me right?! Just the thought of me meeting my ex itself was already full of dumbness already and lie sumore! Damn wtf of me right?! Sigh~! I realize it now. But what’s the point?

I remember I was just thinking that I didn’t want my gf to feel insecure and all that’s why I lied plus I was meeting someone who cheated on me when I was with her! So yea that was it though it seemed that we (me and ex) were having something going on to others as we seemed like close but yea it was just more like how we used to be even when we were friends. That’s about that particular thing. I do say nothing happened between me and my ex as I was pissed of with her for telling me that she needs both guys (me and the other guy) to go on in her life and she wants me back.

WTF?! What am I? I told her to fuck her ownself and help the other guy to fuck himself too! Was really damn pissed off and hurt and what so ever but I deserved that for actually taking her plea to meet me into consideration in the 1st place! Sigh~

2nd but the most biggest lie ever I told her was about smoking. She didn’t want me to smoke as it was bad for my health and all. I did quit smoking and picked up back on and off I should say. I don’t know how to say why I picked it back but yea throwing it away was quite easy but certain times it was really tough. Prolly am just giving excuses again. SHIT?! I don’t want to give excuses again!!!

Ok I picked it back cz I was dumb! OK! I know! I was stupid but i still wonder where my brains went when I lied to my gf saying that I quit when I was practically playing on and off with the habit. Yea, that was the worst ever thing I could have done. What was I thinking? I just didn’t wanna tell her I was still smoking on and off when I was depressed cz I didn’t wanna see her cry or upset. That was the only reason it wasn’t anything else. But yea why didn’t I think of the time when she will find out about it right?

I know I made a mistake which I really really regret at the moment bcz she asked me a question with which I could literally go kill myself with! She asked me if she was so worthless that a year long when I told her I loved her so much if that was a lie itself. That was really a thunderstrike. But still I got no complains about it cz I know what I did and I deserve even worst punishment.

Then comes career stuff. Whole year been battling in and out of works yet financially never really looked any stable. Prolly if I had taken her advice when I told her I wanted move out of my house I might have been better off. As u see I have certain so called responsibilities to play at home when I have to give a certain percentage of my earnings to my parents. Then due to various types of problems, I was changing jobs to find a proper place to start doing work and then came a thought that I could use my old plans to get my own company going!

Yea, mainly the idea came back when I literally went through shit in my previous work place from the pay till every other thing. Leaving that aside a friend said to have plans of doing some youth work so that kinda rekindled my old plans where I wanted to set up my own event company where I get to deal with youth developing while I could develop myself by doing it.

So, I resigned my job before I get thrown out of the job and go payless! I get my pay and another friend borrows money from me saying would pay me back in 3 days. I was actually wanted to keep that money to pay back my debt with my gf which at that time stood at RM400. I know most of you guys would be like WTF is wrong with this dude?! Borrowing money from the gf?! Yea I know. It was shameful and guilt and everything else that I could relate to it. Though I didn’t say anything about bcz I didn’t know what was I suppose to do.

Since the friend said 3 days so I gave him and though till today I didn’t see the money being promised today, tomorrow and what ever, I don’t know whether I even want that money back now.

Coming back to the company thingy, we started doing stuff and recruited people without checking their background fully and I paid the ultimate price for it as now they have practically become like strangers to me as they hate me now and think I played them out or what so ever. Like drama hor? Thought so.

So this people told my gf about my lies and then there u have it. What they wanted prolly, my gf dumbed me saying that if I want her back I got to earn her back. Most prolly u guys might not wanna do that again but this is my only chance of showing her that I really really really love her. That’s how I see it atleast. I told her that I would become a better person in all aspect (financial, career, attitude and whatever included) and then I would win her back.

But saying is simple than done right? Was already scared that might lose her all the while went we were together now since I am not going to be around, just imagine the feeling. I don’t know what’s wrong with me as I felt so numb since that day felt like crying and laughing at the same time! Even right now, she is on the phone though sleeping. she didn’t wanna cut the line so I let her listen to me while I type this. I know things would never be the same.

I screwed up super big time. I should have known better and I realize what I did wrong and I want to redo everything. Though am scared to look forward for tomorrow, I should go get some rest. Really can’t take this headache anymore.

Thursday 14 January 2010

A California Tidbit - San Diego, CA

SAN DIEGO AT NIGHT

I’ve been to San Diego on several occasions since moving to California in 1997 and it’s a great city. I’ve seen the Padres play the Dodgers down in Petco Stadium, I’ve been to the NFL experience hosted at Qualicom one year. I’ve also been to the Zoo and Sea World. There’s so much to see and do there, you need two or three quality days to just hang out.

San Diego is the 2nd largest city in California and the 9th largest in the US. It’s population is over 1.2 million.

San Diego is the southern end of the El Camino Real, a trail the monks took which established missions along with the way. The mission in San Diego is called Mission San Diego de Alcalá. It was founded by Junipero Sierra in 1769. In 1976, Pope Paul VI had it declared a minor basilica. Over the centuries it’s seen its fair share of war. In 1860’s when it was returned to the Catholic Church, it was in ruins. Today it’s a landmark and a thriving parish.

THE MISSION IN SAN DIEGO


San Diego has a rich military history. San Diego is the site of one of the largest naval fleets in the world, and San Diego has become the largest concentration of Naval facilities in the world due to base reductions at Norfolk, Virginia and retrenchment of the Russian naval base in Vladivostok. Two of the U.S. Navy's Nimitz class supercarriers, (the USS Nimitz and the USS Ronald Reagan), five amphibious assault ships, several Los Angeles-class "fast attack" submarines, the Hospital Ship USNS Mercy, carrier and submarine tenders, destroyers, cruisers, frigates, and many smaller ships are home-ported there. Four Navy vessels have been named USS San Diego in honor of the city.

Currently, the USS Midway, a decommissioned air craft carrier that was last “in service” during the 1st Gulf War is down in San Diego. My husband and I are planning a trip down there in April to see it.

One of San Diego’s premium attractions is Sea World, home of Shamu the killer whale. There are plenty of ocean life exhibits in Sea World. Of course my favorite is Shamu, but I also like visiting the dolphins and penguins. They also have a Budweiser exhibit as well. Another attraction is the zoo. Some of China’s famous pandas stay at the San Diego zoo.

SHAMU AT SEA WORLD



The downtown area has captured an old town feel with it’s use of gas lamps and it’s often called the Gas lamp district. San Diego is less than 20 minutes away from Mexico and Tijuana.

If you’ve gone to San Diego, I’d love to hear about your trip and what you enjoyed about the city. For me, San Diego is an hidden jewel on the California coast.

References for this blog entry:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Diego
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SeaWorld_San_Diego
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mission_San_Diego_de_Alcal%C3%A1
 
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